Friday, November 18, 2011

6 bulan 'educational trip' dari Tuhan

Dear you, there's a time when I felt like missing the life that I've lived before.Sometimes, the 'dark' side of me emerge and play the memories that I missed the most. You, if  you can hear, I miss the old me.Like I've been drag back to those years that I live my life to the fullest. Even that the time you used to tagged it as; Jahiliyyah time.

ME; now feel empty.KEYWORD: again. There's something  missing. The factor that attached me to this path is no longer there. Try to find, but how could I if I didn't sure what it is. I miss the day when I first understand about my deen. Miss the days when I high-spiritly revise every pages of the mushaf, try to figure out what God is telling me. Miss the eagerness of seeking the truth. Seeking what is this deen is all about.

You,I'm lost;AGAIN. Dragmeback please? Ya Allah~ Guide me back. I need friend to accompany me, remind me when I'm forgot. Hold my hand together towards Jannah. I've lost for quite period of time. Don't let this heart die;AGAIN. Pain.Then pain I feel inside,is just unbearable. SoS. Seriously serious as heart attack.

Penat.penant sangat bila nak puaskan hati yang bertanya. Perlu ke? Perlu ke nak cerita, dibuat hikayat, siapa aku? Apa aku buat,dulu..sekarang? Kamu boleh pilih yang baik. yang terbaik,sebenarnya yang dah tentu-tentulah bukan aku.
Tapi jangan sampai lupa.Tiada yang terlalu sempurna hingga tiada masa lampau.Tiada juga yang terlalu berdosa hingga tak lyak bermasa depan. Aku adalah aku yang bangkit dari siri-siri kejatuhan masa lalu. Yes, I'm severely damaged.But that doesn't mean I'll disabled

Bring me peace and harmony.Both in here and hereafter,Ya Allah. Guide me please. I don't want to brag about man in my life anymore as that is not as important as me to find myself again. My heart now is numb. I can't feel anything. No name no one no love. Good. I can concerntrate on You.

You, if Allah allow you to feel what I feel..Please give me words,bear with me. As I'm alone and lonely. Impossible to find people who understand. The transition period of me; PAST VS PRESENT. Battle that'll never end.

And you;man of my life.Please wait till the time come; when He's decided.I need time to prepare myself.I'm no one like you. Takde.None.Nil.Yelle puchi. I know thins get complecated days by days.You are great man no doubt.It's me I worried about. If Allah's will,the time will come.And when it is; we both are ready to begin another journey towards Jannah.With rahmah.

Dan kamu. Aku sangat respect kamu. Walaupun secara normalnya perempuan sepatutnya berasa upset,sedih,frust golek-golek..tapi 6 bulan itu ajar aku sesuatu. Kamu bukanlah orangnya.Yang macam ape aku sangka pada mulanya. There's no unfinished business.Pengakhiran yang begitu sempurna aku kira--- Hadiah dari Tuhan.6 Bulan 'kursus menjadi orang dewasa'. Aku belajar dari kamu. You're meant to be come to my life but not stay. Allah knows best.



Dan Intan,aku beri kau masa 1 tahun. SETAHUN. Untuk kau berusaha dari semua segi.Baiki diri,equip yourself. Kau aku beri masa setahun untuk dewasa dengan sempurna. Cipta permulaan yang sempurna as an adult.

Setahum. Setahun lepas macam-macam jadi. Tungang tebalik dunia aku bila perkara-perkara luar alam jadi.Dan aku,Aku dengan selambanya mengambil langkah besar dalam hidup dalam keadaan minda separa sedar??!. Tak aku percaya apa jadi ada hikmah.Aku buat pun bukan suka-suka saja-saja bergembira amik keputusan yang boleh buat mak aku tak bernafas seminit, dan semangat terlebih the other minute. Yang buat ayah aku amik flight straight away balik rumah bila sampai berita. Dan abang-abang aku.Abang-abang aku sejam 45 minit buat round table bisu. Dan ya, walaupun x sampai ke tahap seterusnya, aku anggapkan ianya 'berjaya'. Belajar..belajar..belajar juga cara nak hidup.

Setahun akan datang, kita cerita tahun depan.

Dan Ikram,kawan aku dah 15 tahun pernah kata," You've grown up big and strong.But you need someone.everybody need someone.don't be afraid."

Dan betullah tu aku memang tak takut bila buat keputusan itu dulu. Nothing bad. Thanks,Allah~
=)

1 comment:

Unknown said...

INTAN!! kenapo eh ekau??

.another day of Allah's mercy.

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